Jesus

Object 'Jesus' belongs to the 'Historical Figure Battle Royale' theme.

Connection to Adolf Hitler:

Hitler would have no trouble packing Jesus into a cattle car bound for a concentration camp, since Jesus is pacifist and wouldn't resist. However, once the train was running, Jesus would simply ascend miraculously through the roof and up into heaven. Hitler would then be struck to death by a holy lightning bolt.

Or, as an alternative, Jesus would just die.

Connection to Josef Stalin:

Josef Stalin would deliver a stirring speech to the working class, in an attempt to get them to rise up and slaughter Jesus along with all the kulaks. Unfortunately for Stalin, recent economic conditions have obliterated the working class from existence. The vagrants and libertarians who used to make up the workforce would sympathize more with Jesus, and Stalin's speech would backfire on him, an angry mob of ex-workers trampling the would-be secretariat.

Connection to That Vietnamese Monk Who Lit Himself On Fire:

The monk would definitely win. Jesus thought he was all hardcore getting crucified, but when he sees the monk self-immolating, J.C. would die of shame at his own inadequacy. Of course, the monk would die soon afterward from massive burn trauma.

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